Upcumming Events

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Disclaimer: China and hashing can be dangerous activities.  The organizers of the Guangzhou Hash accept no liability for anything that happens before, during or after the Hash.

 

Upcumming…

 

Hashvertisement #1265 – The Resurrected Hash

Ladies and Gentlemen of the Guangzhou Hash,

 

No one has ever claimed that hash press conferences are ideal events for overly delicate people who easily get worked up. That’s probably why we get so many of them week after week. However, last night it felt more like a funeral.

‘The Guangzhou Hash is dead! Our mismanagement crucified it on the altar of filthy lucre,’ an eloquent hasher and therefore natural born misfit fussed about last week’s events, when the second bus left the Mango at 2.90PM instead of 2PM. ‘Like this, we’re either going to lose too many people in the dark, or we’d have to shorten the trails, oh, and let’s not forget about these dreadfully circumsized circles that are over before they even started. And, yuck, the cold food and hurried dinners when-, sorry, if we finally make it to the restaurant. Folks, we have recently betrayed each and every single value the Guangzhou Hash was ever founded upon. We have sold out its very soul and slayed its spirit. I’d call this high treason if I weren’t a mismanager myself. I say, let’s get over with it and bury the GZH3 once and forever. It was grand while it lasted but it was too painful in the end. May the Guangzhou Hash rest in peace. Cheers and On Over to the other side.’

There were a few muffled “cheers” and “on overs” from the pack. The overall atmosphere was quite like what could be expected when someone dear was borne to the grave.

‘No, I can’t accept this,’ a Middle-Eastern looking man declared with a resoluteness in his voice that would even make the Grim Reaper reconsider. ‘We don’t have to let the Hash die.’

‘Can’t you listen? The Hash got crucified, so it’s already dead. And what is dead, stays dead. Forever. That’s how it works in this world.’

‘Where I cum from, resurrections, especially after crucifications, are actually fairly common. At least not unheard of,’ the Middle-Eastern hasher replied with a messianic smile on his face, and centuries later people shall maybe claim that in this very moment a halo started forming around his head. Maybe. But that’s another story that’d take a few centuries to tell. So, in order to cut the story shorter, this is what’s going to happen. TWO BUSES LEAVE AT 2PM SHARP. The hares are going to set an extraordinary trail with a swim spot at the A-point and another one at the B-point. So, girls and boys, don’t forget to bring your bikinis. But the best of all is that there is free Wi-fi at the B-point so that all of you proud smart phone owners can immediately post the news of the miraculous resurrection of the Guangzhou Hash into all corners of the globe.

Long live the Guangzhou Hash!

 

When:          Saturday, April 19, 2014 @ 1.30 PM

Where:         Gold Mango Bar

Hares:         Circle Jerk and Cum Cannon

What:           A Very Punctual Hash. Buses leave at 2 sharp!!

 

On On,

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Hashvertisement # 1264 – The Shadows of the Past Hash

Ladies and Gentlemen of the Guangzhou Hash,

For most of us the time spent on the Guangzhou Hash were the most formative years of our lives. It is here where we finally understand the meaning of life and discover the key to true happiness. However, at times life gets in the way of all this, and some hashers (the pitiable ones) have to move on to boring places. But just like in that famous hotel song: you can leave the Guangzhou Hash anytime you like, but you can never check out. You don’t believe me? Well, then please explain to me why Soggy Biscuit extended his current trip to China so that he can join another of our hashes before he goes back into his diaspora. But that’s not the only proof. Rather than going directly back to the US, Platterpuss is flying in from Germany on Thursday night, just in time for the Full Moon Hash, and so does Filthy Habits. Since the only reason for their being in Guangzhou is the hash, all of them will also run on Saturday. With so many former GZH3 dicknitaries in town even Black Sheep got permission to join us! How many more shadows from the past will we catch up with during the next few days? Cum and find out.

When:          Saturday, April 12 @ 1.30 PM

Where:         Gold Mango Bar

Hares:         Hunkaspunk and Constipation

Or give it a shot tonight at the Full Moon Hash (7.30 PM, Exit D, Higher Education Mega Centre North St., Line 4). Bring a torch!

On On,

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Hashvertisement Full Moon on April 10 – The Dry But Dark Run

Dear Guangzhou Full Moon Hashers, Another Full Moon Hash you don’t want to miss is cuming up! Virgin Point A & B, virgin trails, old farts from the past visiting and a special feature at the end the run must be enough to convince you to cum I would think so. Further, our RA Hunkaspunk has been dining, drinking and KTV-ing night after night with the weather gods to make sure there will be no rain. But as the Hares will take you into dark and unknown territory you definitely will need a torch so don’t forget to bring one! Further details: When/Where: meet at Higher Education Mega Center Noth Metro station(Line 4), Exit D this Thursday the 10th at 7:30PM Hares: Hunkaspunk & Constipation ONON!! Constipation . Hashvertisement # 1263 – The Conscious Denial Hash

Ladies and Gentlemen of the Guangzhou Hash,

I am often being accused of standing in the way of change and of clinging on to GZH3 traditions too much. This is completely wrong. In fact, I like to see myself as the most revolutionary Grand Master of the Guangzhou Hash ever. To remind you of my achievements: Already during my very first mismanagement meeting I suggested to replace the blue night pots with different vessels. Ok, everyone else on the mismanagement team voted against me, but I think this episode is exemplary for my early revolutionary spirit. Later on I experimented with ’Swing Low’ and the reason why we switched back to always singing the original version is because it is by far the best one. I also changed the meeting and bus departure time despite fierce resistance from the influential sleep-in faction on the Guangzhou Hash. I admit, the time has been revised recently, but I am not giving up the fight, I merely put it on hold. I am optimistic that sometime later this year another window of opportunity might open to re-revise it. I also successfully introduced a bus load of songs to the GZH3 circle. Well, if you must ask, only one finally stuck, the good old ‘Flat Chested’, but that is a very traditional hash song. And has anyone heard ‘Alouette’ recently? No? Me neither, not since Furry Thing and Swinging Tits left us. That was a good GZH3 tradition that we let vanish, wasn’t it? That’s why I asked the mismanagement for permission to revive ‘Alouette’ during the next few weeks. If this is not truly revolutionary then I don’t know what revolu-… What? To revive a lost tradition isn’t revolutionary? Quite the contrary, you say? Damn, do all my achievements really just boil down to ‘Flat Chested’ then? Not even to that one??? Am I in reality a traditionalist? No, that can’t be true. I’d rather live in conscious denial than to accept that. So, in order to reassure myself that the GZH3 under my Grand Mastership is open to change* we are going to introduce an entirely new and truly revolutionary haring concept to our hash. And this is how it works: The mismanagement will purchase enough flour for a decent trail and give it to the first two hashers who volunteer to set an instant hash. When the Harerazor picks the volunteers he will probably look out for good runners. Strictly no excuses accepted, so be prepared. When:          Saturday, April 5, 2014 @ 1.30 PM Where:         Gold Mango Bar On On, 00 *A lot of people asked me why I am not just getting a second opinion. To tell the truth, I am not a big fan of second opinions because they mess with my mind. However, I fear I cannot escape from one this Saturday. Our distinguished GZH3 Life Member** Soggy Biscuit is in town and he will certainly share his view on this topic, whether I like it or not. **What is a Life Member and how can I become one? Well, strictly speaking Life Members are free loaders. They run for free. You can become one by haring at least 100 GZH3 runs and then moving away from Guangzhou. It’s extremely exclusive. . Hashvertisement # 1262 – The Civil Rights Hash

Ladies and Gentlemen of the Guangzhou Hash,

  When people ask why I never leave China I usually reply that it’s because over the past decade this country has remained to be one of the last strongholds in the war against the erosion of civil rights and an unprecedented surge in discrimination. Don’t get me wrong, I have not always been opposed to discrimination. Quite in the contrary, at times I’d been very fond of it. Lots of good laughs, indeed. However, I drew the line when I was made the target. That’s where the fun usually ends. It happened on March 29, 2004 in the early afternoon. My uncorrupted view on discrimination suddenly got turned upside down when a small and otherwise unimportant island nation, which until then was only known to some insiders for their bitter beer and pestering music (and the idiotic fun fact that they got no snakes), decided to ban smoking in all public places. What initially was overwhelmingly perceived as the childish notion of a bunch of degenerate do-gooders – and hence nothing but a flash in the pan – quickly became an epidemic of global proportions bound to rock the very foundations of human civilization. The passing of the dreadful law fed every non-smoking wisenheimer with the illusion of moral superiority and until today it encourages many of them to come along like the Spanish Inquisition whenever having the urge to convert a smoker, or just to go on a rant. ’Quit smoking, or get used to life as a Paria’, is their sick credo that I must have heard more than a hundred times from these troubled minds, while I in return always had the decency not to inquire about their small penis or sandy crotch. Today the virus of paternalism has infected the entire (!) Western world and taken possession of vast areas of Asia, too, thus further poisoning our societies with cantankerousness, hypocrisy and political correctness. I fear that by now the ongoing witch hunt has decimated the overall population of smokers to such a small number that they should officially be recognized as an endangered species. If we don’t act now they’ll be extinct next time we check. The mismanagement in its infinite wisdom has therefore appointed three hares to take part in a ground-breaking experiment. They all represent a different side of the coin: a chain smoker, a non-smoker and an occasional smoker. The idea is that if they’ll manage not to kill or attempt to evangelize one another until they reach the B-point, why should the other humans in the world not be able to follow suit, hence giving smokers a fair chance for survival? And, if on Saturday it turns out that despite their differences the hares cooperate to the extent that they set another Best Hash Ever, well, then this has to be interpreted as a clear sign that both species might even be able to co-exist peacefully and in harmony and for their mutual benefit. The stakes are high on Saturday, after all it’s about our future. Find out whether it’ll be multi-colored or grey.   When:          Saturday, March 29, 2014 @ 1.30 PM Where:         Gold Mango Bar Hares:         Himalaya, Circle Jerk, 00   On On, 00 PS: If you want to join the 20th anniversary weekend of the Free China Hash to Guilin (May 9 – 11) you have to sign up until tomorrow and pay the deposit of 800 RMB until the end of March. The overall cost for the weekend should be within 1200 RMB. Contact Wooly Bush for more details:  lamsmmay@gmail.comDo not reply to me! . . Hashvertisement # 1261 – The World Water Day Hash

Ladies and Gentlemen of the Guangzhou Hash,

  The World Water Day was introduced to reduce the consumption and improve the quality of water. It goes without saying that the Guangzhou Hash supports such noble causes. In order to mark the importance of the occasion the mismanagement has even gone so far as to appoint two hares who have always been at the forefront in the War on Water. ‘Last Saturday again I witnessed how hashers wasted water by lavishly drinking it, not only before or during the run but also afterwards; and in spite of the fact that the Hash provides great alternatives. Frankly, I find such egoistical behavior revolting. It leads us straight to global drought and subsequently the extinction of humanity and, I fear, eventually to the demise of the Guangzhou Hash. To set an example on how to save us from such adversities I have restrained myself from any secular use of water during the entire last week, or at least ever since I remembered that we’ll have a swimming-pool at the B-point,’ clamored our Religious Advisor and role model during his weekly sermon at the Gold Mango Bar very late last night. ‘There is only one responsible use of water, and that is to turn it into beer*, thus improving its quality,’ he concluded. See how it’s done.   When:         NEW MEETING TIME: Saturday, March 22, 2014 @ 1.30 PM Where:         Gold Mango Bar Who:            Hunkaspunk and Forest Hump   On On, 00 *Why not turn water into wine you may ask. Well, the Beermeister insists that he is a Beermeister and not a Winemeister and that good hashers drink beer and not wine or, for that matter, water. And the Religious Advisor dismissed the idea as ridiculous since it totally lacks originality. PS: Make sure you turn off all the taps at home when you go to the Mango Bar on Saturday. And think twice before you open a bottle of water. Couldn’t, or better, shouldn’t you have a beer instead? . . Hashvertisement # 1260 – The Daylight Saving Hash

Ladies and Gentlemen of the Guangzhou Hash,

 

**** Starting this Saturday we meet at 1.30 PM again, bus leaves at 2 PM sharp ****

  A lot of you people whined that last Saturday’s trail wasn’t long enough and by far too flat. We from the mismanagement take such complaints extremely serious and have ordered the hares not to be such pussies again this Saturday.   The hares promise that the Guangzhou hashers will get what they deserve, which is only the best.   When:          Saturday, March 15, 2014 @ 1.30 PM Where:         Gold Mango Bar Who:            Muffdiver & 00   On On, 00 . . For previous hashvertisements click here . .

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