Good Morning, Sunshine!
Road-weary and flour-spattered hares Soggy Biscuit & Platterpuss, rolling into Sportsmans just about 1pm last Saturday, were greeted with an unusually Sunny welcome. It made us happy, even when skies were gray. Christ, can I get a breakfast menu PLEASE?!
Old Friends…
This week’s cast of returnee’s were looking “hen bu cuo” with the likes of MaoBi, Jane Fondle, & Suppository. The addition of Cheesy Herman definitely brought the average down, though the hashers were relieved to see him again as he had disappeared some months ago with the unlikely story of finding gainful employment.
New Friends…
Boxy decided to bring in a pair of her office interns, Ben & Jade. She had already managed to get these two lost earlier in the week at BaiYun Mountain, and apparently decided to give it a shot in the Guangdong countryside this time. Ben & Jade weren’t too sure if this was all for fun or if it was some kind of survival training. Jade brought along an older French gentlemen who vehemently denied being famous American singer Tony Bennett. Add two GZ ladies Celina & Fenne, and it was a healthy crop of newcummers.
The Usual Idiots…
Brought the total up to 27 hashers, eager to get on the bus promptly at 2pm. Actually, most of them were more concerned with finishing their lunch– it was Platterpuss who was stomping around kicking asses in the name of punctuality.
Hash-And-A-Half
It was quite a run… old people, dogs, unspeakable smells… a flawlessly-executed and logistically-admirable A-to-B run. Platterpuss & Soggy Biscuit boldly led today’s band of hashers from a mysterious new location out past Golden Lake to the previously visited “Restaurant by the Lake”. It was a carefully planned route that left the hashers no short-cutting options… except where Broadway Bitch managed to led the runners up the walking trail right out of the first check. Pay that big white “W” and arrow no mind (!), those must be naturally occurring…
Important Business
A good portion of the circle was taken up with official GZH3 business announcements from the previous evening’s Mismanagement Meeting. This worked out well for RA Soggy Biscuit who, as usual, was woefully unprepared for crowd entertainment. A quick summary:
Shoeless Ho, with 13 hashes under his belt & an 0 for 2 record on haring attempts, was the logical choice as GZH3’s new Hare Raiser. Actually, Ho didn’t even know there was a Mismanagement meeting Friday night at the Sportsmans, he just happened to be there for dinner and got “elected”.
Allergic-to-downdowns Everready was appointed as understudy to Hash Dre. Broken Hymen. Got all that shit down, Everready? Good, because Hymn’s out of town for the next 2 weeks… Everready was only at the Mismanagement meeting to find out who would be organizing the Philippines away hash. Much to her dismay, she found out that she is.
Reluctant-RA-In-Training Soggy Biscuit was officially anointed as Religious Advisor. In a touching show of solidarity, Reluctant-RA Cheesy Herman even came out for Saturday’s hash to pass down the cursed book & vestment.
Broadway Bitch showed up roughly 40 minutes late for the Mismanagement meeting, by which time all the “good” spots were taken, so he was stuck with Alter Boy. From this position he’ll assist current funnyman Soggy Biscuit and be sexually abused by current & former RA’s. Broadway, who looks as if he’s spent some time in a Catholic school, seemed to take this all in stride.
Cums-With-Someone-in-Dongguan was reconfirmed as Grand Mattress. Cums-With was so underwhelmed by the honor that she neglected to show up for either the Mismanagement Meeting on Friday or Saturday’s Hash.. And, in the moment we’ve all been waiting for… Or, at least, that Pippi has long been waiting for… Canadian Pippi Uglystockings was crowned as the new Grand Master (-ess?) of the now re-named Guangzhou Hash “Hooose” Harriers. Platterpuss’s last act as outgoing GM was to order a bukake fest for the occasion. Pippi’s first act was to cancel it.
Enough Already…
Some downdowns, please. Broadway B. brought up Mao Bi for allegedly making some lifestyle changes. She’s still into guys, but she’s going to start going to the gym and stop drinking. It was such an inspiring announcement that all hashers present joined in to sing the “Sounds Like…“ song in an impressive 3-part harmony.
Shoeless Ho, getting weirder by the week, showed up with a contraption he proudly referred to as his “Big Richard”. It was a sort of drinking aid to prevent wrist injuries while doing downdowns. Fulla Spunk, on the ice for another last hash (for a while), managed to make RA Soggy Biscuit blush by stating that, while she didn’t have any experience with a “Big Richard,” she was more than willing to give it a try. Soggy was more than happy to give her the opportunity, if only to free up the cold seat to celebrate an auspicious hash for Cheesy Herman. Ice Ice Cheesy, naturally assuming his good fortune was due to ridding himself of the RA’s robes, was surprised to find that this was also his 88th run in Guangzhou,. Tony Bennett was given one last chance to belt out a tune for those present, but he refused to offer anything more than that mysterious jig that seems to afflict all Frenchmen in the circle. Thus denied, it was time to close it down. Cum-On-Bear… may he rest in peace.
On On,
Soggy Biscuit
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Posted on 02:09, July 10th, 2007 by Web Bitch